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  • Writer's picture@franciscojtovar


Updated: Jun 15, 2023

Photo courtesy of Alex

"To love is not to look at each other but rather to look both in the same direction" - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Why on earth do we take it for granted that the opposite sex should behave like us? We want them to “want what we want” and “feel what we feel”. We wrongly assume that if our partners love us, they will react and behave in a certain way: the way we react and behave when we love someone.

Many of our partner's attitudes are so different from ours that we automatically begin to think that they are out of their minds. However, the differences, being understood and respected, far from separating us, complement us, as if they were two pieces of a puzzle that, precisely because of their being different, fit one into the other. In other words, differences are necessary for a full and happy life as a couple.

Probably, when thinking about what is wrong, you have been considering that the product is faulty when in fact what you should do is read the manual. Don't be too quick to throw in the towel with your wife or husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Most likely the problem is caused by ignorance of how the opposite sex works. The ways of thinking, speaking, seeing, feeling, and experiencing the world, on the part of man and woman, are not opposed but intimately complementary.

The man works in one way and the woman in another; understanding this principle leads to tolerance and peace. Certainly, easier said than done. Dr. Myles Munroe, famous lecturer and renowned author, points out in his best-seller "Understanding the Purpose and Power of Women" the fundamental needs of each member of the couple: the man requires respect, companionship and admiration, the woman yearns for love, protection and care. This shows us that, contrary to the generalized beliefs and social conditioning of today, the balance is not necessarily given by equality, but rather by complementarity; product of the natural inequality between both sexes.

These differences are not only observable on a biological, emotional or intellectual level; there are differences of a social nature that have to do with the role of men and women; These same that, undoubtedly, today suppose a matter of bitter differences in the couple, since the role of provider for the family, for example, classically assigned to the man, is currently played by many women with the same or greater capacity than man; affecting, in some way, the assessment that the male makes of himself.

"The man functions in one way and the woman in another; understanding this seemingly obvious principle leads to tolerance and peace."

The current dynamics and pragmatism force individuals to assume the role that they have to assume to get ahead or solve problems. From my experience, growing up in a Latin context, I was able to witness how the vast majority of women assume the role of head of the household in the absence of men. They are unlikely to want to assume such responsibility, however, you cannot always choose.

But what happens when one of these fierce women who works, buys the gas cylinder, washes, cooks, irons, takes care of the children, changes light bulbs and repairs the dripping laundry finds a partner? How does the man feel before such a picture? The answer is very simple: he feels worthless, and this affects his self-esteem.

Fragment of my soon to be published book "This Is How We Work (Practical manual for the 21st century couple)" © 2020  Francisco J. Tovar - All rights reserved

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